I gutted my insides.
Anything soft and vulnerable was removed, carefully and tactfully. like a shady trauma surgeon, I performed emergency surgery on myself one winter. Ice cream scopes of feelings were excavated out of my being.
Two ice cold scopes of insecurities, a hot slice of self-pity, colorful sprinkles of jealousy.
The risks of the procedure didn’t matter. I would not be my own worst enemy. My self-fed ego wouldn’t allow it.
Survival depended on how effective my brain was functioning and
the way my heart was behaving…well, the foolish thing would have led me to suicide.
had to go.